


Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer

by Miyou_da



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27104746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyou_da/pseuds/Miyou_da
Summary: Richard seems to have a lot in mind but just withdraw into himself.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer

**Author's Note:**

> Depiction of panic attack. If you're not confortable with it, please skip this storie
> 
> Otherwise, have fun reading. <3

The air was cold on the bare skin of his arms but he hardly felt it. His long fingers were tightening on a cigarette like his life depended on it. It was the only thing that mattered at this moment. The world around had just vanished to his senses. The only thing he needed was the tiny tube he lighted up. The cigarette wasn’t on his lips yet but he could feel the taste of the smoke on his tongue. He needed it now. His breath was too short and he knew it. Slowly he moved his shaking hand close to his face and took a drag of the deadly sin between his painted nails. He could finally breathe, the weight on his chest had disappeared. His eyes closed, he exhaled deeply, enjoying the feeling of comfort spreading through his body. The smoke curls were flying in the night sky as his muscles loosened bit by bit. He was ok.

Till moved his gaze away from Richard to reach Schneider’s. The same worry was reflecting in the eyes of the other man.

“We need to do something.” Till stated in a sigh.

“But what? It’s not as if he wanted to talk. He says everything is alright. What can we do for him if he doesn't want our help?” Schneider retorted dryly

Till knew Schneider was right and it was killing him.

*****

The recording of the new songs wasn’t a piece of cake. At the beginning, everything had been evident and they had worked quickly, went through all the difficulties that may have come. Now the flow wasn’t fluent anymore. For a couple of days they hadn’t made any progress in the song they worked on. So everyone was tense, ready to explode. For the umpteenth time they were trying to play the same song.

Richard hadn’t been feeling good the whole day, and it seemed to be getting worse. He tried to focus on the riff he was playing, focus on the tempo. _I have to find the right moment, the right notes. I just have to feel it. I’m made for this._ But even if it could go well, it was like they were like cursed. Paul had missed a chord.

“Why? Why can’t you play like you have to do? Why is everyone just bungling around me? Why am I the only one capable of doing something right? I don’t even know why we are here. It isn't worth it. It…” Richard screamed at a totally frozen and shocked Paul who didn’t understand what was happening to him.

But he had to stop. _Not again, please, not now,_ he prays in thought. He couldn’t breathe anymore. It feels like something was strangling him, tightening stronger and stronger.

He rushed back out of the room. He needed space, air. He sat down on the balcony, curled in a tiny ball, trying frantically to catch his breath. _I will not die now,_ Richard reassured himself. But he felt like it was the case. The only thing he heard was the irregular beating of his heart and the high pitches he made while inhaling. The world was fading around him. He and his panic stay alone in a blank world, with no sound, no image, no smell, isolated. He was getting worse and worse. He gasped for air that never arrived to his lungs, tears ran down his cheeks. He was powerless against this uncontrollable wave of anxiety.

“Richard! Look at me! Look me in the eyes!” A strong voice broke through the fog of his mind. There were two bright green eyes in front of him and from there, there was a voice talking to him. He didn’t understand what the voice was telling him but it was there. He wasn’t alone in the empty world of the panic attack. There were also hands on his arms. They pressed him too harshly, it hurts a little. He could feel it, the pain. 

“Please Reesh, stay with me! Listen to me! You’re safe! Everything will be ok, I promise!” The muttered words started to make sense. Richard opened his mouth trying to explain. No, it will not be ok, never! His world was chaotic, everything was crumbling down. How can it ever be good again? He had to explain it to the voice but he wasn't able to. The syllables were stuck in his throat. 

“There, breathe. Don’t try to talk, it’s ok” the voice reassured him. Richard tried the best he could to focus on it, on the hands pressing his arms, on the male scent coming from the one facing him. His heart beat slowly became less frantic, his breathing less chaotic. Step by step, he went out of the white bubble of anxiety. He just had to follow the light created in his mind by the man taking care of him.

Till only relaxed when Reesh fell in his arms sobbing. He said nothing, just held him close.


End file.
